May is going to be a difficult month as it will be the end of one semester of school and the immediate start of the next semester with out any break. The next semester has been promised to move very quickly with no room for error or misdirection. In order to complete the new semester with less difficulty it is important that I remove some of the distractions that cause increase worry and anxiety. I can do this by establishing and working toward goals.
In order to come to a goal I must prioritize the items in my life that require my attention.
Ranking in order of importance to me:
1. Family, because with out them the rest of it doesn't matter.
2. School, ultimately my education will help me support my family.
3. Health as defined as exercising, relaxing, eating properly, find "me" time, hanging out with friends or family as away to refocus and clear my head.
Short term goals for each for the Month of May:
1. Spend time at least 30 minutes of undivided attention with each of my children each day. I will also spend time with my husband in which I am not studying or doing other things for at least one hour 4 evenings each week after the kids have been put to bed.
2. Spend at least two hours 5 times a week doing school work outside of the school setting, focusing on staying ahead instead of behind what is assigned.
3. Maintaining at least a 500 calorie deficit daily and a 1000 calorie deficit at least 4 days a week. With at least one hour and thirty minutes of moderate activity a day and at least 30 minutes of exercise 4 times a week.
4. At the end of each week I will write on this blog how the last week went, what was positive and what was negative about the week and how it effected my ability to maintain this plan.
In the long term this should:
1. Strengthen my relationship with my children and husband.
2. Increase my ability to stay on task with school assignments with less anxiety or stress.
3. Reduce my weight approx. 6lbs in one month preparing my body for marathon training which should start end of June.
4. Help me adhere to my goals for the month giving me a chance to review what works and what doesn't work allowing me to change those things that are self defeating.
Yes, this looks like a nursing care plan! I was just thinking if it works on others I would see if I could make it work for me. Again, all this is super personal which is why I'm not advertising my new blog post on Facebook. I only publish this instead of keeping it private, because it serves to make me stick to my goal holding me accountable for my actions.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Goals and Motivation
In case you do not know, I am not perfect. Not only am I not perfect, I struggle with my weight much more than anyone, besides my husband, even knows. For example, in the last two or so weeks I have managed to gain about 6.5 lbs. Most of that was due to Easter and all the candy that was in the house and going to out to eat.
Prior to that weekend I was still doing the kickboxing and loving it. After I weighed in Easter Monday morning 6lbs heavier than I had been the week before all the wind was taken out of my sails. At this point it becomes a perpetual cycle of feeling bad and binging, which makes me feel worse and then I binge more. Exercise goes out the window, because I feel like whats the point and the cycle continues.
The truth is I have been here before, many many times before. Unfortunately, for me, when I am stressed it is manifested in many ways, my house looks like a mess, which mirrors my mind, I am unable to concentrate on school or my goals, and it directly affects my weight. Usually all of this resolves when I find something of worth to work towards. It becomes a very "all or nothing" phenomenon. Last time, I was able to redirect this energy with the encouragement of a friend to run my first marathon. As soon as that was my motivation I was set and all aspects of my life improved. A simple goal such as " I want to weight X amount by X time" has never worked for me as a motivation. While I do have a weight loss goal, when I am stressed and need comfort food it is really easy for me to put off my goal for "just one day" and fold to the pressure. The problem with this is that one day always turns into a week of more of putting off my goals and giving into temptation.
When talking about eating disorders and such in class, I would say I might probably have one. I definitely have the binge eating down at least two times a week. However, I have never purged or starved myself. Purging is just two difficult, too many side effects, and for a lack of the better word, nasty. And as my father always said, "You love food way to much to be anorexic." I would have to agree with this as well. Exercise as a form of purging, maybe, but I don't exercise after I binge only after I have resolved to do better.
All in all, I have to look at my overall motivating factor, which isn't to be skinny, but to be healthy. The above forms lead to decreased overall health and my goal is to be here for Aiden as long as humanly possible. Redefining my reasons for being healthy gives me a new outlook and approach. While it is important to set goals, it is unhealthy to be defined by them. So though I may want to be a size 4 again, I am not defined by my size and weight. I would prefer to be defined as a loving mother, wife and friend, who is healthy in order to be able to continue to do the things that she loves and to be with the people she loves.
I still need to set a short term goal and have not come up with one as of yet, but will update my blog with my goal and my progress towards that goal. Today's blog is extremely personal. It wasn't my intention to make my blog a window to my life, as I am an extremely private person in some areas and this is one of those areas. However, I believe in the therapy of writing and making this public makes me accountable. I hope that those that may stumble across this will feel as though they are not alone in their struggles, whichever they may be, and not judgemental. Feel free to post to me your comments, thoughts, or stories. You may email me personally if its not something you can share publicly.
Prior to that weekend I was still doing the kickboxing and loving it. After I weighed in Easter Monday morning 6lbs heavier than I had been the week before all the wind was taken out of my sails. At this point it becomes a perpetual cycle of feeling bad and binging, which makes me feel worse and then I binge more. Exercise goes out the window, because I feel like whats the point and the cycle continues.
The truth is I have been here before, many many times before. Unfortunately, for me, when I am stressed it is manifested in many ways, my house looks like a mess, which mirrors my mind, I am unable to concentrate on school or my goals, and it directly affects my weight. Usually all of this resolves when I find something of worth to work towards. It becomes a very "all or nothing" phenomenon. Last time, I was able to redirect this energy with the encouragement of a friend to run my first marathon. As soon as that was my motivation I was set and all aspects of my life improved. A simple goal such as " I want to weight X amount by X time" has never worked for me as a motivation. While I do have a weight loss goal, when I am stressed and need comfort food it is really easy for me to put off my goal for "just one day" and fold to the pressure. The problem with this is that one day always turns into a week of more of putting off my goals and giving into temptation.
When talking about eating disorders and such in class, I would say I might probably have one. I definitely have the binge eating down at least two times a week. However, I have never purged or starved myself. Purging is just two difficult, too many side effects, and for a lack of the better word, nasty. And as my father always said, "You love food way to much to be anorexic." I would have to agree with this as well. Exercise as a form of purging, maybe, but I don't exercise after I binge only after I have resolved to do better.
All in all, I have to look at my overall motivating factor, which isn't to be skinny, but to be healthy. The above forms lead to decreased overall health and my goal is to be here for Aiden as long as humanly possible. Redefining my reasons for being healthy gives me a new outlook and approach. While it is important to set goals, it is unhealthy to be defined by them. So though I may want to be a size 4 again, I am not defined by my size and weight. I would prefer to be defined as a loving mother, wife and friend, who is healthy in order to be able to continue to do the things that she loves and to be with the people she loves.
I still need to set a short term goal and have not come up with one as of yet, but will update my blog with my goal and my progress towards that goal. Today's blog is extremely personal. It wasn't my intention to make my blog a window to my life, as I am an extremely private person in some areas and this is one of those areas. However, I believe in the therapy of writing and making this public makes me accountable. I hope that those that may stumble across this will feel as though they are not alone in their struggles, whichever they may be, and not judgemental. Feel free to post to me your comments, thoughts, or stories. You may email me personally if its not something you can share publicly.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Cross Training: Kickboxing
I signed up for my next marathon! This one will be my first solo marathon. Hoping to run the whole thing! In my area running is typically a fall-spring sport due to the extreme heat of the summer. For that reason this marathon will not be until the fall. I signed up for the Duke City Marathon (again, I know) for October 23, 2011. I had signed up for this marathon last year and then didn't train for it and didn't go. It has been a source of bad karma for me. I had fund raised for Autism, of course that cause is near and dear to my heart so even though I didn't run the fact that they benefited from my attempts gives me a little bit of comfort. However, I felt at that time that I had let myself and those who had donated down. This year I feel a bit different though, with a half marathon and full under my belt I feel confident in my ability to for sure complete the marathon and hopefully finish at least around the 5 hour mark.
The only problem as I see it is that Octobor is still 6 months away and to not burn out I need a break from running. Not only that but the heat will probably keep me from running most of this summer so I needed something else to keep me in my best physical shape.
The answer to my problem came from one of those half off deal websites. A local business advertised unlimited fitness classes for about 30 dollars. On a whim I bought the deal. The location is about as far as possible away from my house, almost an hour away in fact.
After looking at the website I had seen that they offered a kickboxing class and with my experience with TurboFire I was pretty sure it would be an aerobics class similar to that and wanted to give it a try. To my surprise as I walk through the doors I am greeted by a young lady that asks me if I had brought my own gloves. Ha Ha the jokes on me, as I look around to see a fighting ring and punching bags through out the room. I told her no and she let me borrow some. She handed me wraps for my hands which I also didn't know how to use.
After she wrapped my hands I threw my gloves on and headed over to the punching bags where the class would start. As we warmed up with arm circles the instructor called me out with a smile on his face, I am sure I made his day. He told me I did not need the gloves, because it wasn't time to punch anything yet! I thought, "beginners mistake, Im sure".
Prior to attending this class I had gone on a date with my husband and had eatten a rather large meal. As the warm up progressed I could feel that food not wanting to stay down. By the end of the warm up I was already sweating pretty bad, possibly wanting to vomit, and definately concerned with what I had got myself into!
It just got harder from there. I punch and kicked uncoordinately. The instructor smirking with each or my grimiced kicks and punches. The weight of the gloves and constantly having to keep them up made my arms quiver with weakness. He wanted us to punch and kick fast, showing us various combinations. I was so sure this would never end. About at that moment I kicked the bag wrong and heard a pop as my toe began to hurt intensly. Still trying not to swollow my pride and bow out of this class I pushed myself through it trying not to show my pain. I kept thinking this is impossible. I had just finished a marathon not that long ago, I know I am not out of shape and yet I can not keep up with this class!!
At this point we progressed to muscluar endurance techniques in which you have to keep your arms up and doing various exercises. The instructor made it clear, while looking at me, that should anyone drop their hands we would have to start all over. Determined for me not to be the reason the whole class has to start over I would not drop my arms no matter what and the fire was killing my arms.
Finally, the class was over. He offered for us to stay through another class, but I was exhausted. As soon as my heart rate dropped enough for my stomach to continue digestion, I was glad that I had completed my class. A closer examination of my foot yeilded a swollen purple toe. Not sure exactly what happened there, but I was sure I found my new love! Not that kickboxing will take the place of running, but I think it will definately be my favorite activity to cross train with to increasing my endurance and muscle strength.
Last night, I was able to attend again. This time it went about 50% better. I didn't eat a big meal prior to going to class which was probably the biggest help. I also knew what I was getting into and was able to stay with the class. Overall it was a success. Looking forward to this class again on Monday!
The only problem as I see it is that Octobor is still 6 months away and to not burn out I need a break from running. Not only that but the heat will probably keep me from running most of this summer so I needed something else to keep me in my best physical shape.
The answer to my problem came from one of those half off deal websites. A local business advertised unlimited fitness classes for about 30 dollars. On a whim I bought the deal. The location is about as far as possible away from my house, almost an hour away in fact.
After looking at the website I had seen that they offered a kickboxing class and with my experience with TurboFire I was pretty sure it would be an aerobics class similar to that and wanted to give it a try. To my surprise as I walk through the doors I am greeted by a young lady that asks me if I had brought my own gloves. Ha Ha the jokes on me, as I look around to see a fighting ring and punching bags through out the room. I told her no and she let me borrow some. She handed me wraps for my hands which I also didn't know how to use.
After she wrapped my hands I threw my gloves on and headed over to the punching bags where the class would start. As we warmed up with arm circles the instructor called me out with a smile on his face, I am sure I made his day. He told me I did not need the gloves, because it wasn't time to punch anything yet! I thought, "beginners mistake, Im sure".
Prior to attending this class I had gone on a date with my husband and had eatten a rather large meal. As the warm up progressed I could feel that food not wanting to stay down. By the end of the warm up I was already sweating pretty bad, possibly wanting to vomit, and definately concerned with what I had got myself into!
It just got harder from there. I punch and kicked uncoordinately. The instructor smirking with each or my grimiced kicks and punches. The weight of the gloves and constantly having to keep them up made my arms quiver with weakness. He wanted us to punch and kick fast, showing us various combinations. I was so sure this would never end. About at that moment I kicked the bag wrong and heard a pop as my toe began to hurt intensly. Still trying not to swollow my pride and bow out of this class I pushed myself through it trying not to show my pain. I kept thinking this is impossible. I had just finished a marathon not that long ago, I know I am not out of shape and yet I can not keep up with this class!!
At this point we progressed to muscluar endurance techniques in which you have to keep your arms up and doing various exercises. The instructor made it clear, while looking at me, that should anyone drop their hands we would have to start all over. Determined for me not to be the reason the whole class has to start over I would not drop my arms no matter what and the fire was killing my arms.
Finally, the class was over. He offered for us to stay through another class, but I was exhausted. As soon as my heart rate dropped enough for my stomach to continue digestion, I was glad that I had completed my class. A closer examination of my foot yeilded a swollen purple toe. Not sure exactly what happened there, but I was sure I found my new love! Not that kickboxing will take the place of running, but I think it will definately be my favorite activity to cross train with to increasing my endurance and muscle strength.
Last night, I was able to attend again. This time it went about 50% better. I didn't eat a big meal prior to going to class which was probably the biggest help. I also knew what I was getting into and was able to stay with the class. Overall it was a success. Looking forward to this class again on Monday!
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